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I just don't understand, all of a sudden everyone i care about or love is dying around me. I cry and cry until i can't cry anymore. I scream and scream until i cant breath no more. No one cares and no one understands. Everyone thinks i can be strong all the time but i really can't. No matter how hard i try i cant be strong 100% of the time. I do have feelings just like everyone else, i just dont show them as much.



I just found out my friend Alex got shot by a gangster Dec 12 because he dressed differently. :(

When his sister told me that i was devestated and i broke down crying. Why the hell would someone do that. He was only 14 and he had his whole life ahead of him. He was so nice and funny and sweet. He cared about me and he was one of the people who really understood me. He helped through the time i was having these horrific nightmares i couldnt control that was the most scariest thing ever. I don't get scared easily either.



What pisses me off more than anything is the fact that he killed my friend all because he dressed different, because he dressed emo and skater. He never did anything to anyone he was a good person and he had a good heart. I swear i will kill the man who did it in a heart beat if i ever see him.



I also found out yesterday that my cousin is in the hospital in critical condition dying of cancer.



Why is all of this shit happening to me. I know i'm going to move on and deal with it on my own like always but why? Why are people so fucking stupid, that they would kill an innocent person because of what they look like? Why is this world the way it is, so cruel and mindtwisting?



I ask myself these questions all the time and try to figure it out but i can't, no one can. This world is the way it is and no one can change it. Just like the moon, the stars, the trees, people cant change those kinds of things. Nature is beautiful and it does things for reasons, sometimes for reasons people cant explain. Just like dying, people die for reasons they cant explain. Mother Nature has a plan for everything and everything happens for a purpose only she knows.



I just wish that I knew the purpose for my friend getting shot and killed. Or the purpose of my cousin dying in the hospital.



I know it wasnt Mother Nature who killed my friend though. It couldnt be, it was some stupid idiot with nothing better to do in his life. I just hope he rots in hell for what he did.